Let’s walk you down this scary path, don’t worry we will hold your hand the whole way, promise we will. At least to point where you need to put those grubby little mites on the beauty table, then you’re on your own. Yes, we are talking about manicures, you know those scary establishments that smell like a chemical lab, and mainly contain of vigilant Asian woman who speak broken English but no one questions it as they do a perfect set of nails. Yes, those places that you do not dare venture into, well, it’s about time you do.
Gone, are the days when the process of ‘getting your nails done’ is perceived as gay, girly, sissy or lame, it’s 2017 people. Today it’s standard practice for guys to get a mani and/or pedi now and then. You can even get it done minus a girlfriend attached, yes dare to venture in alone. It’s not that strange for a guy to prioritise nail care and take pride in his appearance.
We are not talking about getting gels and gloss coating, we are talking about basic hygiene here. No lady wants to look down at a guy’s hands and see a small world of bacteria waving back at them. You’re not a woodland creature that has been foraging for food all day, so why should your nails paint that picture.
We will let you in on a little secret to ease your insecurity about the whole thing, business men and men of luxury have been doing this for years. They need to look good head to toe, right down to their TOENAILS. We can guarantee a guy you look up to has probably got a manicure once or twice.
More importantly, no one guy or girl, depending on your partner of choice, wants you to put those grubby mites inside of them, it’s simply gross. So, in the words of Nike, JUST DO IT.
First, you need to find a place, you can general find a beauty salon in shopping hot spots so you will not be limited by choice. Avoid places that look like the furniture was bought in a 2-dollar store and is probably a front for criminal activity. Look for salons that are semi busy and have decent décor. Alternatively, just ask a girlfriend or your partner where to go, as they have probably scoped out the best places in the area.
If the idea of walking into a salon full of woman terrifies you, the alternative and a much better option is to head to a men’s spa or salon. They are skilled in catering for males needs, they will get the job done minus all the gel and acrylics. We suggest heading to One for Men in the CBD or Mankind in Toorak, they will set you back about $40 or above but worth it if you want it done like a pro and in a male friendly environment.
This is where they take your hands from woodland to human. Self-explanatory, they clean yours nails and trim them.
'The nail tech will pull out some scary looking surgical tools, don’t stress they are not going to go all Freddie Kruger on you. It is important to note here that there is a particular way to go about a cuticle treatment. First, lets catch you up on what a cuticle is. Cuticles are that fine layer between your skin and nails, the part that hurts like hell if you cut it. The important thing to note here is to never cut your cuticles, as it protects you from bacteria and nasties getting into your body. If a tech goes to cut your little precious cuticles get the hell out of there and never look back. The tech will push them down with a strange spoon like tool called cuticle pusher. It feels uncomfortable but trust us, it works.
Now you can get the shape you desire - coffin, points or claws?...... We are joking, unless you want the perfect shaped nails, then go right ahead. Jokes aside, the nail tech will file your nails to a NATURAL shape.
The BEST part of a manicure is the massage, although it does feel slightly sexual with the lotion and soft rubbing. You are quickly snapped back to reality when the nail tech pulls your knocks?? out of your hands mid massage. But enjoy the experience before this.
Now before you have a meltdown this is not nail polish, but you should try nail polish sometime. Dave Beckham pulled it off and pretty much everyone wants to sleep with him. But for real, this is simply an oil finish to sooth the nails.
Well that’s it, now that wasn’t so bad was it? Congrats you’re now a true redefined man, you nailed getting a manicure. You have gone from woodland create to modern man.